Setting standards and putting your foot down if things go south
We’ve all been there before, where we thought we met the person of our dreams. They did everything to our liking and standards, then they did the one thing that got on your nerves, and now you have “the ick.”
You may be newly single, and you’re now considering the ideal type of partner you’d like in your life because that last relationship was - Not So Great. In whatever case, you need to have some lines that can’t be crossed, bent or broken. We call these Deal Breakers.
Everyone should have Deal Breakers. Deal Breakers are standards you establish based on your needs and are used to help you preserve your mental wellness when it comes to your relationship. Although everyone’s deal breakers are a little different, some things are definite no-no’s for many people regarding relationships. Here are a few of the biggest deal breakers, and some not so big, in no particular order.
Going over the absolutely not first:
This is cheating of all kinds, including cheating on you or with you. Pretty self-explanatory, bottom line it’s hard being in a relationship with three people. Definitely not worth the time and effort.
2. Any type of abuse
Whether it be physical, verbal, emotional, or even substance abuse, any type of abuse shouldn’t be tolerated. You deserve so much more than this.
3. Financial stability
This has nothing to do with being “money hungry” or a “gold digger.” But having different spending habits and stances on what it means to be “financially stable” affects most relationships today.
4. Different stances on marriage and/or kids
Imagine having plans to marry and your ideal family life planned out in your head, then your partner telling you they don’t actually want to get married or have kids. 1 out 10 – would not recommend it. I’d strongly advise discussing this early in the relationship and not finding out 3 years down the line.
5. Different social, political, and sometimes religious beliefs/values
What they believe in and value can often tell you what their inner world looks like and what they’re like as a person. Compromise and communication are incredibly important here.
And some within-control deal breakers:
1. Bad hygiene
This can honestly be manageable, but bad hygiene is an automatic no in a first date type of situation because first impressions matter. Thank you, next.
2. Long distance
Personally, not my thing, since it can depend on your love language. Long distance will probably be hard for you if your love language is quality time or physical touch. But communication is key for a long-distance relationship to last passed the distance, along with compromising on who goes to who for visits.
3. Different hobbies/interests
Having different hobbies/interests is okay, to an extent. We need to be our own person, separate from our relationship. But if you two have nothing in common, that can be a deal breaker. Or find something new that you both like and make it your thing.
Let’s face it, having deal breakers can save you a lot of heartache in the long run. But more often than not, when we love someone or are already in a committed long-term relationship, it’s easy to let things slide in order to “keep the peace.” It’s easy to forget that we had any deal breakers at all. However, sometimes we must recall those deal breakers and put our foot down if things seem to be going south.
Did we mention any of your deal breakers? Go to our Instagram post and comment on some of your absolute no-no’s!